Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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