I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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