...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
