Do you still have your period?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
