Im at strip club and am horny
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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