You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
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