I smell stomach acid.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
