I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
