I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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