dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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