If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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