Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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