So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
