The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
