I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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