Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
