is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
