so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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