Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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