You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize