and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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