What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
