i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
