Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
