got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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