Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
