He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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