My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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