Screwed.edu
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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