i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
