Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
