I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
