erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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