She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
