He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
