i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
