don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
