mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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