So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
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I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
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I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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