I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
