I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sorry my hands just texted you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
