My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
