? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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