I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
