Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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