His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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