ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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