She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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