Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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