oh god the rape fog is back!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
