kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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