so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
