I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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