Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Someone shit on the floor
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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