yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
