My friends, they love my intelligence
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
