I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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