as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
